Desire
by Tifa Gainsborough
Summary: Jumbled thoughts on desires of simple men. One who desires everything, yet accepts nothing. Vincent Valentine.


The drops of rain splashed against the darkened window. The sky above illuminated with splashed of bright light as the heaven's put on their show. One solemn man stood and watched the sky. I could hear the rain, like drops of the future falling on my empty soul. The occupants of the city were tucked away in their houses. Safely protected from the bitter rain and unyielding cold. The building he called home was dark and empty. _Empty, the word that those use to describes me._

Vincent Valentine leaned against a window, peering out into the darkened sky. Nobody would see me, nobody ever took the time to even try. To the citizens of Nibelhiem, the abandoned Shinra mansion was simply that, abandoned. When they spoke I would hear the children daring each other to enter the mansion. To see what horribly mutated figures lurked inside. But their was only one. Yes there were those that lurked in the corners but they feared him. Feared what I was, laughing at me in their haunting voices. 

__

They are not the monsters. 

I am.

I returned to that window everyday. To watch the people, the people that lived without a care in the world. No longer had to fear from Sephiroth or Shinra. I longed so to be out there with them. But what would they say when they saw what I was? Would they point and laugh at the things Hojo had done to me. Fear the beast the lingered sleeping below the surfaces?

So I would simply watch. Watch the way the child played their games in the square under the watchful eyes of parents. My desire now for contact was going to overwhelm him. To merely be held in the arms of somebody that would accept me.

__

But who could possibly accept me? Even Lucrecia wouldn't have been able to touch me. Wouldn't have wanted to touch me for I am nothing like what I was before. A desire to return to the past. Even to become the Turk I once was.

Those members of AVALANCHE never came around. I had served my time under their desires. I had accomplished my goal, seeing the end of Hojo and allowing Lucrecia's son to rest finally at peace. But what was left for me now? Hojo, you may rot away in hell, but I am still here. But you have trapped me in a hell I can never escape from. 

You have taken away my ability to be accepted. Unwillingly taken away from unknowing strangers the right to accept. This claw, the thing that most people see. It pales in comparison to what you have done to the rest of me. The scars that crisscross my body. Given me the inability to ever be with another woman. 

But what woman could accept me? When I am unable to accept myself. I can't but help and think of the others. My mind remembers the girls, Tifa, Aerith, and Yuffie. 

Tifa and her undying love for Cloud. She would follow him into the depths of hell if he asked. Cloud had been through so much. Yet, so have I. Only you see me as stoic Vincent, a man with many secrets. I know I could never be anything more than that to you. Even if Cloud cast you away and never wished to speak your name again. You would never come to me, Tifa. For you and Cloud have been through much together, more sins that weigh down on my dying soul. I could not love you, for what has happened to you is my sin.

The smiling flower girl, Aerith. You are long gone, perhaps reunited with a lost love. You were too kind for me to ever think you could ever love me. I would not deserve the things that you could have given me. My sins are deep, even your soft smile couldn't make me forget.

I desire for things I have always felt I needed. You, young Yuffie, desire for what belongs to others. You take advantage of what life has given you. I find only sympathy for you in my darkened heart. But I could not love you. Your words cut deep, even when I show no reaction.

The sounds of woman's laughter echoes through my heart and I desire it. Desire to simply hold somebody and be held in return. But nobody would hold me.

So I will desire what I once had.

Things that I will never have again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*

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Authors Note: That one got strange. Thanks Eve for the title. Sorry if it's kinda jumbled, that just how I viewed Vincent. So many thoughts, cause he has a lot of time to think. 


End file.
